dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
