so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize