i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
