If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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