I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My brain says no but my pants say off.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
