oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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