Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Oh god it's open bar.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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