its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
