Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
