The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
