My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
