party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
