I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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