Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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