After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
