his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Too much gin, very little bucket
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
