i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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