My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
