the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
