I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize