God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
even my farts smell like vagina
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize