she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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