Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
