nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
