we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
