Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
