My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize