I must be too annoying 4 u.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
