I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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