My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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