Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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