Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
