so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
