If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
