Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
