The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
