Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
