so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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