and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
