I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
