I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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