if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
