Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
