Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
