It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
