wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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