guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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