i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
