She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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