xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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