My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
