Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
