Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
