I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
