i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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