I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
