She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
