I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
