he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
