found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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