omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
