I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
