4 words: hood of his car
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry my hands just texted you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
