Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
