I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
